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When we fall in love, we idealize the loved one. If we can maintain that feeling by knowing its defects, we will also grow emotionally.
When we fall in love, life changes color and we all hope it never ends. But for this to occur you have to be willing to take risks. If the stage of infatuation has been intense, it is convenient to count on that, after time, there will come a certain disappointment, since the idealization we made of the loved one is transformed and appear defects and deficiencies with which we did not count and that we have to accept, firstly, in the other, and then in ourselves. Just as you idealize your lover according to your desires, you see yourself reflected in him, also see yourself improving. How far does the way of falling in love speak of you? How far does love make you wiser and makes you know more?
Know how to choose.
Love is one of the engines of the world. It establishes a great part of our interpersonal ties and influences the relationship with oneself since it turns life into a source of pleasure. The great drives that direct our lives are Eros (love) and Thanatos (death), and that our psychological health depended on the affection we felt towards others and what we did in life.
Unrealistic fantasy - Love is only possible when a certain degree of individual development has been achieved. It is the result of a psychic evolution that is achieved when it has been possible to organize subjectivity where one has learned to respect oneself and to love oneself. Falling in love occurs when we believe we have found our ideal, someone who completes and can completely satisfy us, but behind that quest for perfection lies a demanding demand for the other and an unbearable disappointment when it does not meet our expectations.
Read: How love should be viewed and its reality in a relationship and marriage
Now, the imaginary couple that our mind invents is necessary for the satisfaction of effective yearnings. We unconsciously adjudicate a role, but we must approach how it is and not just how we want it to be. It will probably cover our emotional needs in some aspects and in others, not. A good relationship is based on not waiting for our imaginary partner to become real, nor on asking the real to match the one in the head.
What can we do?
Reflect on the main features that are appropriate for reinventing the relationship. These traits are:
-Acknowledge that men and women differ in the way they love, but not in the background. We all want the other to love us where we are weak, but for that, we must take our faults.
-Evolution together: changes are healthy, but they create tensions. It is not good to silence incompatibilities; It is best to speak before problems impede understanding.
-Defend personal space not to be confused with the other.
-Love is maintained and grows when the other's freedom is respected.
"Every lover has a debt to the person he loves. If you can recognize what it gives you, you can still love it.
What's happening to us?
-The lover loves himself in the other. He disguises his lover with his wishes and sees it as he wants to see it. Being in love, more than a meeting with the other is a reunion with oneself.
-He who has known love knows that it is impossible to find self-satisfaction if it does not satisfy the person he loves. He has become accustomed to tolerating his defects and correcting what is harmful, he has learned to forgive and to remedy mistakes.
"Love is generous and does not allow possession. That is why it is necessary to have reached a psychological development that allows you not to depend and want to dominate.
-The beloved is the person who brings out in us the best of our personality and feelings.
This article is written by Kehinde Pius O(email@example.com)