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“…but when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding”
The reason for this article is an attempt to strike a balance between your wife and your mother. And none of the two will be placed above each other because their roles differ.
It is worthy to remind you that there is at least one thing your mother can do but your wife can’t do and also there is at least one thing your wife can do but your mother will never do: Your mother gives birth to you which your wife can’t attempt, your wife gives birth to your children, which your mother won’t dare to do.
There is a level of wisdom required by a man to deal honorably with his wife and mother for peace to reign in his home. One of the greatest mistakes done by men is to attempt to compare their wives with their mothers. For example, some men believe that their mothers’ food is more delicious than their wives’ food; therefore they prefer their mother to cook for them than their wives. When something like this start happening, the unity of the home will start experiencing a crack. One can’t expect his wife to be like his mother or vice-versa, everyone is an individual entity with a unique style and attribute. Even identical twins, exposed to the same environmental influence and nurtured by the same parents can never have the same attributes and also their approach to things will differ.
However, either your wife or your mother deserves to be maltreated. They must be honored and respected for their unique roles and responsibilities. But there should be a limit on how your mother should interfere in your marriage. A man should be man enough to know how to lead his family without the influence of his mother.
“…therefore a man must leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and two shall become one flesh”.
The “leaving” in the statement implies a complete detachment from any influence your parents may have on you to the detriment of your marriage. However, you have to exercise a little caution here, to leave isn’t a call to be irresponsible to your parents or not to give them audience whenever they wanted to advise or counsel you.
Marriage is a decision, the moment you walk your spouse down the aisle, she becomes one with you. You have to stick with her irrespective of the flaws you may later find in her. It is wisdom at play when you allow the love you have for your wife to cover her flaws. But when you start comparing your wife and seeing more of her flaws, different problems will start arising. And some of the problems may include:
1. She will become valueless to you
2. She will no longer be attractive
3. Frequent conflict in the house
4. Unfaithfulness on the man’s side
5. Hatred will set in
No woman likes a place where she isn’t appreciated for her individuality. Your wife and mother can’t have the same attributes and styles but your wife can deliberately work on her weaknesses and become better.
You can help her to improve in any area you might think she is weak and always celebrate her strength. If she is weak in areas like cooking, dressing, human relation, etc. there are many ways she can be helped to improve on any of the areas.
As a man, your major goal is to have a peaceful and happy home where life can be easy for all. You need to do away with comparison and face your wife for you to enjoy her.