Posted by Relationship Expert on
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It has always been a concern to me how married couples who once claimed love for each other will later turn to each other’s enemy. But I have recently discovered that it is possible due to the ignorance of people in a relationship about the two stages of love. Some married couples even claimed that once you married the love start fading away. This assertion is far away from the truth and the reason is that they have failed to align the two stages of love. These two stages of love are:
The first stage is a stage of emotional feelings and are:
Romantic love – This love occurs at the first stage and is about what attracted you to your spouse. It is a kind of love that defies reality and focus more on attraction. Words like I love her because she is beautiful, tall, etc. or I love him because he is handsome and has six pack is common during this stage.
Emotional obsession – This is when you see your spouse as perfect with no flaws because of the fact that you are attracted to him or her through the physical qualities you saw. Emotional obsession comes after the romantic love.
Euphoric love – Euphoria is a feeling of great (usually exaggerated) elation. Have ever experience times in your relationship that your feelings about your partner got elated. There are some physical responses that usually follow this euphoric love like smiling, sleeplessness, wanting to speak or be with him or her etc. So this love doesn’t require much effort, it just freely flows out of you.
The second stage is what I refer to as reality stage and this include:
The feeling becomes eroded – This is when the feeling start fading away and the reason for this is the reality that just set in i.e. you are now getting to know each other and each other’s flaw are becoming evident. The delusion of a flawless partner is gradually fading. It can also mean that you are just waking to the reality about your partner.
The delusion of a flawless partner has faded – At this level, you hear words like “this isn’t the partner I first met”. What just happened at this level is that the plastic love has changed to real love.
Differences are now obvious – The difference between this stage and the first stage is that there is neither illusion nor denial. It has now become clear to you that you are different in character, attitude, and approach to life. Your likes may be his or her dislikes. It is a stage that reality has set in.
Most of the threat relationships might face is when couples fail to transit from the first stage to the second stage early enough. It is improper to look at your partner as flawless because you are emotionally obsessed. However, you have to acknowledge your differences and make your relationship adventitious in spite of the difference.
A perfect relationship is when two people don’t give up on one another regardless of each other's flaws.