Posted by Relationship Expert on
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Compatibility is defined as the capability of existing or performing in harmonious or congenial combination. It also means a feeling of sympathetic understanding.
But some people have wrongly defined it as one person that God has made or chosen for them alone.
From the above definition, one can understand the reason why people run into problems in a relationship. A lady or a man who has a wrong definition of compatibility will most likely live his or her life in sorrow because the most vital part of compatibility is neglected. The bedrock of compatibility is the capacity to live harmoniously and this can be achieved by mutual understanding.
Looking for that “one person that was created with you” is an effort in futility. There is nothing of such. It is a height of self-deceit to think in such a way.
Furthermore, the concept of passivity when it comes to a life partner is bad for a healthy relationship. You should make the choice base on your core values, likes, and agreement. Hence the saying, “can two walk together unless they agree?” It baffles me when I see people go into a relationship base on someone’s opinion or suggestion. This is how it happens, a young man or a young lady goes to somebody (consultant) with four or five names of a potential suitor, and the person will look at the names and pick one that is best for them based on his own criteria. This method looks passive because you have been left out in the process of choice making: it is a height of irresponsibility because you must be responsible for any of your action and inaction.
I jokingly tell people that if you go to a boutique to buy a cloth, you will see varieties of clothes that will appeal to you. But that doesn’t mean you will buy all the cloth in the boutique. What will inform your choice is your taste, size and the amount you have on you: it means taste, size, and money are the determining factor. In the same vein, choosing the right suitor must be as a result of what you want.
Oh, some people don’t even know what they want in life and most importantly how to get it. And that is the reason why they are looking for a shortcut.
I heard a story of a woman who is currently passing through hell in her marriage. The reason why she married the man is that her consultant told her that the man is right for her. I was told that the woman knew that her husband is very stingy before she got married to her. While she left that aspect unattended to, she accepted the suggestion of her consultant and married the man. Now the stinginess of her husband is full blown, the man neither takes care of the woman nor the children.
Don’t live your life on what your consultant suggests; be actively involved in your choice of partner.
It is not difficult to know whether you and your partner will live harmoniously. You can consider the following to know:
Do your core values and perception about life align with his or hers?
Do what you value most matters to him or her?
Is he your type of man or woman?
Do you always agree on most issues? If not, how do you resolve it?
Do you value each other’s opinion?
These are just but few things that can help you to know whether you and your partner will live harmoniously.
Lastly, compatibility is just the ability to understand and live harmoniously and not one mysterious man or woman out there, who you need a consultant to help you fetch him or her out.