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“Love covers multitude of mistakes”
I believe so much that when you love a person his or her misdeeds may often be overlooked. However, there is some misdeeds or behavior that should not be overlooked. Any behavior that can threaten the peace of your marriage should be worked on during the period of courtship. Moreover, it is wrong to think that you can change your partner after you have gotten married to him or her. This kind of thought is deceptive and delusional. Most time it is possible to have such a thought when you are involved emotionally too deep a level with your partner.
I am not saying that it isn’t possible for him or her to change but that will be difficult and in most cases requires a miracle.
This article is not an attempt to discourage you from getting married to your partner but will help you to face the reality instead of being emotional about the issue. Let me ask you these two questions:
How many of your behavior, attitude, habit, perspective or belief have you been able to change successfully?
How difficult will it be to give up your favorite food because of your spouse?
From the resources I was able to gather behavior can be formed through environmental influence, biological influence, experience, social factors, internal dialogue etc. These factors contribute to how behavior is formed. And they contribute to the reason behavior is a little bit difficult to change.
Environmental influence - this is the influence your surrounding had on you. This includes peer influence and other influences within your surroundings.
Biological influence - the major contributors are your parents’ genes. There are behaviors that are prevalent within some families which can also be seen in children born into such families.
Experience – there are behaviors formed as a result of personal experience in life.
Social factor – there are behaviors formed as a result of societal norms.
Internal dialogue – some behaviors are formed as a result of how you see and speak to yourself.
Although, behavior can be changed depending on the decision and determination of your partner to change behaviors that are poisonous to the healthiness of the relationship. If your partner doesn’t take the lead, there is little or nothing you can do about it. It must come from his or her mind to change. Nonetheless, the new habit that you want from her or him must be repeated over time before a new behavior can be formed. Thus it takes time and patience to get such result. Habit formation is the process by which new behaviors become automatic.
Never allow your emotion to becloud you, the period of courtship is a time you and your partner need to work on attitudes, behaviors, habit that can be a threat to a peaceful marriage. If it can't be done now then it can’t be done when you married.
Another deception in a relationship is to say you will change his or her religious view.
There is a limit you have when it comes to changing people's behavior and their views.