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Explaining what love is and what love is not








This article shed light on true definition and explanation of what love is and what love is not. Love should be defined accurately and not subject to mere feelings. Defining love as a feeling has a potential of creating problems for relationships. I have discovered that some people define love inaccurately, making it lose its true meaning. The proper understanding of the word eludes some, although, they use it frequently.  They forgot that the misunderstanding of the word may lead to the abuse of it. I have extracted different definitions of love by different people. Listed below are different definitions of love:

 

Wikipedia defines love as “Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that range from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment”

 

Deborah Anapol Ph.D. gave her own definition of love to be “Love is a force of nature. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, addenda, or codes. Like the sun, love radiates independently of our fears and desires. Love is inherently free. Love cannot be imprisoned nor can it be legislated. Love is not a substance, not a commodity, nor even a marketable power source. Love has no territory, no borders, no quantifiable mass or energy output.” 

 

“Love is an Action (Chabad.org)”

 

“Love is involuntary. It's a natural addiction and treating it like an addiction can help you. (theanatomyoflove.com)”

 

Isabel Thottam in an article titled what is love explains love as “Love is chemistry. Love is commitment. Love is infatuation”

 

“Love is a complex set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs associated with strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another person (goodtherapy.org)”

 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, trust, hope, and persevere. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13: 4- 8)”

 

From the above definitions, some defined love as feelings or complex set of emotions. When love is defined as feelings or emotions, one makes love subject to change because your feeling is transient. I may feel good about you today but feel opposite tomorrow. Feelings and emotions are not static; they change with events and time. Moreover, many factors determine the daily outlook of our feelings. If how you feel daily can be measured by some factors, it means feelings and emotions are conditional. This view suggests to me that love is conditional and transient. 

 

Another perspective to love is based on attributes: patient, kindness, trust, self-control, emotional intelligence, respect etc. The attributes make love more of action and not just feelings and emotions. This kind of love fails not and suggests to me that love makes one actively involved when one claims to love.

 

In my own view, I believe the second view to love defined love in its totality. Love should be tangible, measurable and not abstract. Your love should be measured by how much self-control you have, trust, kindness, emotional intelligence, commitment, perseverance etc. and not how you feel.

 

A relationship can’t be successful on feelings or emotions only but thrive when love is shown both in words and expression (trust, kindness, self-control, patient, commitment, respect etc.)

 

What love is not

Love is not feelings or emotions

Love is not infatuation

Love is not chemistry

Love is not conditional

Love is not transient

Read: When to say yes to a relationship proposal 

 






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