Dating, courtship, and marriage are three different levels
of a relationship. One level leads to another and the extent to which you
should be committed is different for the three levels. It is a lack of
understanding for you to think that the three levels are the same. You will
eventually get into troubles if you don’t seek for advice and heed to it.
There is a need for you to know the difference between the
three levels of a relationship:
Dating - is driven by feelings and impulse. It Lives in the
moment mentality and it is a short term relationship.
Courtship - is an affection a man has towards a woman with
the hope of marriage. It has trust has the foundation and it is driven by
rational thinking and study.
Marriage - is the legal state of being a married couple voluntarily joined for life and witnessed by the couple’s parents.
Moreover, it is morally unacceptable if you treat your boyfriend
as your husband. He must satisfy certain conditions for him to be your husband.
However, that doesn’t mean you should not be committed to a certain extent in a
relationship. But there must be a caution at every level. A broken date is
better than a broken courtship while a broken courtship is better than a broken
marriage. However, I don’t advocate for break-up at any stage of a relationship
but there are boundaries that one shouldn’t cross. It doesn’t take much to get
over a broken date or courtship if you have not gotten unnecessarily involved.
There is a need for you to train your mind not to assume that your boyfriend
is your husband. Although, before your relationship graduate into a marriage,
there are things you need in a marriage that should be learned and imbibed even
before you and your partner take your wedding vows. This includes loving him, faithfulness
to him, willingness to help him, always giving him a surprise, etc.
For you not to think that your boyfriend as your husband, you have to note
the following four reasons:
He hasn’t paid your bride price
Before bride price is being accepted by your parents, you parents must have
approved of him as your potential husband. In Nigeria, the bride price
signifies that your husband honors your parents and is capable of becoming your
husband. If this price hasn’t being paid by your partner then he isn’t yet your
husband. This is always done during the traditional wedding.
He hasn’t taken legal action
A man is not yet your husband legally until there is a legal seal on the
relationship. There is no way you can take him up legally if the decides to
break up with you.
He hasn’t publicly affirmed his love
for you
This is when you have a gathering of people in whose presence he publicly
takes the wedding vows. It can be in the church or mosque depending on the
faith you belong to. Moreover, it is a way of saying he wants to be responsible
and committed to you in the presence of many witnesses.
The above reasons point to the fact that there must be a limit in a
relationship. This is why I do advocate abstinence before marriage. You may
lose out in a date and courtship, and no legal or religion action can be
taken against your partner.
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